Memories By Inner Light

*sigh* today is...a so-so day. I got to bed really late after i posted, around 3ish, and then idk when i fell asleep but it wasn't enough time and so i skipped Philosophy today and then just showed up for Speech and writing. I'm sitting in my speech room now and i'm still exhausted...and i  have work...o joy.

on my way here i almost drowned ona mouthful of water, sprayed body spray in my mouth and my eye accidently,dropped my writing textbook on my foot, nearly fell down my front stoop and finally made it to my car with after hitting the scab on my right knee...i haven't checked it yet hopefully it'll be fine, and not be bleeding all over my work pants.

Despite the craziness and my penchant for being accident prone, today is remarkably laid back...there's nothing tense about it...which is weird...in a refreshing sort of way. Break is almost here b/c today is almost over and then all i have is film and Hari Kiri Friday. Two days...let's hope i survive them and think positively.

I'm gonna do my best today. I've been working really hard and NOTHING is gonna keep me down today. I'm just...not gonna quit. There is no giving up, no second guessing. I'm just gonna keep moving forward. Suck it up and keep on truckin'...i think that's kinda along the same vein as "Seize the Day".


My essay...prolly sucks...i don't think i got the whole format down AT ALL so i sent her an electronic copy and asked for her mercy and feedback. *sigh* no replies yet...she prolly won't say anything....my mindset isn't the greatest but i'm fighting it ^_^ *smile* so i should be ok in a little bit...until i get to work at least *weak laugh*

>.> *notices finger is bleeding*...o wow, i didn't even feel that haha. It's a cuticle thing haha nothing really to worry about.

Anyone wanna go to the circus with me and my fam on March 29th 7:30 Pm?
We probably wouldn't be sitting with my family since they ordered only enough tickets for my parents and my brother and his gf. but it'd be cool to go into the city with them no? I think it'd be fun *shrugs* lemme know what you think.

I gotta go, the speech midterm awaiteth.

~T.

It's a little after midnight on yet another crappy start to my wednesday...my prospects...zero...i'll be lucky if i sleep at all tonight....I've gotten a sufficient chunk of my paper for english done, and my mind is melting into a pile of emotional sludge.I can't wait for break, and getting some rest will be wonderful. Maybe some time alone too. I think...that's what i need...somwhere where i can sit, and just...dissapear...my room's not cutting it anymore....i need a secret place...where no one will kno.

I hate fights. I hate them all. I hate the fact that I avoid them...and somehow w/o trying get roped into them. I hate the fact that when i try to do good people...just...don't get it...or they do...and yet there's something else i'm not doing right...I hate the fact that they happen on nights when there's a paper due...and when i have a midterm tomorrow. I hate the work. I hate writing class, and my speech midterm.

i'm not going to soft ball this. I'm tired. I'm hurting and I'm upset.
I'm not going to make suggestions to certain people anymore. I'm just going to sit and not expect or suggest anything. That way, not only will i never be dissapointed...i'll never have to feel like i tried to fix it and just made it worse....

I work really hard to make things go right...and...i just feel like alot of times i'm the only one pulling. I feel like i'm alone, trying to bolster up the weight of everyones feelings up on my shoulders. I'm tired of feeling like there's nothing I wouldn't do, but getting the feeling that someone doesn't think that way...

maybe monday was right....i just...wanna...idk....maybe if i dissapear, someone will notice i'm gone.

I'd rant some more but MArtha Stephens' commentary awaits dissection....i want this paper to be over...right now.

Good night.

~T.

I'm sensing a general pattern of getting back to the "good old days" especially with regards to our relationship, and that' is awesome. In fact, we got back to the good old days so much that I have now re-confirmed my geekness for the next five years at least. I played MY favorite MMORPG, ToP (Tales of Pirates for the acronymn challenged) 

I freaked for a second when i first started b/c i logged onto a different server than the one that i started with and my Lvl 32 Character just didn't show up and i thought it got purged but i found it and the bf and i spent many delightful hours screaming "KILL THE MONSTER!!! KILL IT!!! Wait! REST!!! NOOOO! Don't go after that one!!! NOOOOO!!!! EEEEEK!....u died again didn't u?" and "SQUID LOVE!" which is a strange but funny inside joke to most ToP players by now. 

Anyways! it was nice to get back to the old stuff for a while, and very conviently forget all about my paper...which to be honest I DID start...i just didn't do too much of it yet....hehe...(aka, title, and headers...and the thingys in the left margian). The actual meat of the paper is...to be determined...hehe (aka, I am prolly not going to English on Wed. hehe....work time!!!!!!) And we have a huge group proj. due soon for NSS which is poop too. my friend and I need to rely on two other people...that haven't shown up since the groups were assigned....*sigh* i hope they dropped and made my job so much easier....still maybe i can scare them into working...idk how...but i'd give it a shot if it meant they'd DO something...

o wells, i gotta catch some Z's gotta lot of paper writin to do tomorrow.
Cheerio!
~T.

This is probably the longest...boringest, and just mangiest weekend to date (yes i did call it mangy). The bf has gone to Syracuse........ T_T

I told myself, I would only cry once this weekend or not at all, so i've been feverishly wasting my time to keep my mind off of thinking, "If i had just one extra year we could have been up there this year together." I played video games, i sent people tons of stuff on facebook, i slept, took meds...felt sick...sat in the car for two hours waiting for my dad to finish up talking about the music for tomorrow's mass with our pastor. Watched the rain, listened to perky music. Ate...petted my cats...put on layers b/c i was cold...took off layers b/c i was hot, looked at my halloween costume. Thought about some devious plans, played with my cell phone...dropped my cell phone. got laughed at by my dad b/c he was making my headache worse...-_____-.... and i'm doing pretty well, it's 3:21, and hopefully...i won't run out of things to do.....thought after i post here...i'm not so sure....i'll be able to think of anything else.

Well I'll update y'all on my life thus far and we'll see how far we go. Thursday. Was the big pumpkin carving bash. Got meh costume. Al got parts of his (he's being a leprecaun hunter b/c his friends asked him too...i think they're the leprecauns...idrk...) ANYHOO i went to the doctors that morning and was there for three hours. mostly just waiting. But when they finally examined me it took every ounce of self control to keep me from howling. (speaking of which did you check out the new layout for Halloween?) sooo much pain AND it was really uncomfortable. Nothing i want to go again anytime soon. They took blood which made my arm hurt (they had to poke around for the vein a bit....yeeeowch). After they took blood i got dizzy and my arm ached like heck but it wasn't until i started carving my pumpkin that it really acted up. I was so exhausted thursday nite i just went right to bed after dropping the bf home.

Friday! Was borning. math was boring, writing was funny but i think i was going through some sort of medication withdrawl b/c i had to come off that Sudafed times 10 medication and i didn't take it that morning cause i wasn't supposed to and I just got chills and a splitting headache. It was bad news. Made worse by bright light and moving around, so pretty much, I would have done better living under a rock for that day. Work was uber slow which i was kinda grateful for even though the cash wasn't too great.

O! I need to post my animated short for this week. Kinda cool just in time for halloween ^_^



Enjoy!

I gotta go do something constructive....like chores or something....-____-''