Memories By Inner Light

Today is the day of the famed (infamous) marching band carwash. I am not actually working said car wash, but will be showing up, mostly because the exterior of my car is filthy and I will be happy  seeing some friends, o and did i mention it was FREEEEEEEE? well it is FREEEEEE but donations are highly appreciated. *sigh* *checks wallet* *emptiness*...well dad owes me ten bucks so I'll put my widows mite in.

then i have choir rehersal *fwump* No no! Don't make me goooo!...today that is one of the LAST places i want to be....I'm really not in the mood. As it is, i sat there yesterday and sang my lungs off for two hours. What miffed me was the fact that EARLIER in the week my dad had asked me to make time (Tuesday i think) and he said, "I'll call you down when everythings set up." and he never did.  So fine. I set aside time and you don't utilize it, not my problem. Sorry. So then YESTERDAY he's like, "We need to go over music." and I looked at him and said, "No way." He got pissed. "Why not? You told me we'd work on this." Very calmly i replied that he'd asked me on tuesday and I had said yes. I made time and then he brushed me off to do what HE wanted and therefore, I did not want to practice, I had made plans and now my time was my own and idc if he got mad. It's not my fault.  And then Al called and told me he'd be late -_____- so i practiced....but it still pissed me off.

Also, I'll be housesitting tonite, from around 6 until w/e I call it housesitting because I'll only really be babysitting for about an hour. And then it's "Therese gets to watch CABLE TV OMI GOURDS!" -_____- i get excited over the weirdest things i know. To be honest, I don't have cable to WATCHING cable on an actual TV....is.....O.O awesome.

I miss al right now.....*sigh*....everyone's busy doing fun stuff....'cept me.....*siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*....

well that may change. If i can get my hands on some tickets I hope to be taking al to see TSO for christmas. ^_^ and then a little thing for him under the tree oughta to do it.

Good Lord...*counts on fingers* Christmas is 3 and a half months away?!?! no way!?!?!? *counts again*.....O.O waaaaaay......and there are TWO other major holidays, midterms AND finals squeezed in there! Wowza...my life is about to get VERY busy hahahaha.

*sigh* okay back to missing al. I'd better get dressed and head over to the carwash. it starts around 8 but i'll try and be a little fasionably late. >.<   <-hates being late grrrr

Note the above Key term that i'm staring at in my sociology class at this moment. Class hasn't started yet. Students are still trickling in slower and slower as the room slowly fills up.

It makes you wonder whether EVERYONE is looking for their own social fit. Maybe some people (i'd like to think of myself as one of these people) who really isn't LOOKING for a fit. They just kinda want to live, unimpeded and graciously unintterupted.

Perhaps it is that thought in itslef that causes 'the search" however i am skeptical. Profs here gotta fly!


Later!

That i've not been able to squeeze one post in for most of august...that...is a disturbing reminder of just how freakin busy it's been around here.

That being said, in-btwn exhales i have come to realize that the summer is almost OVER D: NOOOOOOOOOO! On the other hand i'm still excited for my classes Nipon Onegai! Arigato go dai masu! (woo!! hopefully you can tell i've been studying). Anyway stuff with my family has been deteriorating lately....i'm feeling like i'm no longer a member and stuff....just that they stopped asking me about things and including me. I mean yes, I may say "No, I can't." or "No you can have that." But honestly....i would really like to HAVE that option rather than people just assuming and ignoring my existence.

This weekend is an excellent example of that, but i really don't have the paitence to go into details.

O! I got a job through MSU and I'll be able to keep the one that I have now. yay! The MSU one is being a notetaker for one of the deaf students in my sociology class. They'll pay me 100 dollars at the end of the semester! Woo! Party money for christmas!!! yayness!

Hopefully by then I'll know where the heck Al's going...and marching band will be over, and some issues I have to deal with will be over. Good lord Christmas is gonna be a godsend (no pun intended) this year. It'll mean everything will finally be settling down the future will be less hazy and life in general is going to get a little more stable for me which is awesome.

Speaking of MSU....*trying to remain calm* PARKING WAS A F(#$&*(@#%&$@(%#$@ FIASCO! OH.MAH. GOURDS!  WE WAITED 3 F(^(@%#(*@&%# HOURS! They swiped one person's credit card. That person leaves all happy. *beaming beaming beaming* BUT THEY BROKE THE CREDIT CARD SWIPEY MACHINE! Not only that to make matters worse, at the EXACT same time the parking website goes F^&)#^)*@&^#*&@ BONKERS! God that timing really really really stunk.  So you've got an angry mob who's tired and cranky outside, and you have an angry electronic mob calling in demanding to know WHY the website is down. It was a circus! An absolute freak show of ginormous proportions. I'm just glad we got there early and were at the head of the line.

...

My mom just cam in and pissed me off.

Considering what just happened at here I'm going to give you a brief summary:
 

My mom has this really bad habit of NOT just DOING what i asked her. I'm a forgetful person. I get distracted and sidetracked fromt stuff and it's REALLY hard for me to remember sometimes even IMPORTANT things and  it's just how i'm built, but I asked my mom YESTERDAY if she wouldn't mind making a LIST, a physical LIST on a piece of paper with you know, writing  on it...in LIST form. She procedes to tell me to "Remember you have to do blah blah blah blah and blah." and then just sits there blinking at me. I turned to her and said, "Great! It's Midnight! I'm not gonna remember (see up there^ I didn't!) LIST! PLEASE!" SO she says, "OKAY! But you STILL have to do Blah blah blah blah  and blah."
O.o....
*facepalm*...are you kidding me?

So i said, "I'm not going to remember if you  don't LIST THEM! ON PAPER! WITH A WRITING UTENSIL!"

Finally my mom says, "OKAY! FINE! I'll WRITE YOU A LIST!"

Me: "GREAT! GOING TO BED!"

*fast forward to this morning*
(I'd started what i COULD remember i.e. cleaning my room. and showed my mom my progress)
Side note: my mom will try to get OUT of writing my lists by spoon feeding me verbally what i have to do next like some over grown toddler in a highchair named "Chores".
Mom says: "Great! Not perfect but much better (she always says that btw...even when you could eat off of every orafice surface and you're blided by the shine of cleaness. that's a different buggaboo)"
Me: "Thanks!"
Mom: "Now therese next you need to remember to do the bathroom."
Me: *eyes popping out of skull* NO! FOGETTABOUTIT! NO! NO! NO!"
Mom: "What are you talking about!?"
Me:"Mom...i'm going to say this...twice...I NEED A LIST! WRITE THE DAMN LIST DOWN!"
Mom: "But you still need to clean the bathroom..."
Me: *close to having a coniption* I FREAKING KNOW THAT! I JUST WANT  A LIST?! MAY I PLEASE HAVE A LIST!?! IS THAT SO MUC H TO  ASK?? WHY? WHY? WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?! I CAN GARUNTEE YOU THAT THE WORK WILL GET DONE IF YOU GIVE ME ONE! 
CAN"T I PLEASE JUST HAVE A STUPID LIST?!
Mom:"Okay! I'll write a list"
*meanwhile I've passed out frothing at the mouth with my pupils dialated*....love you too mom....love you too....

It remains to be seen if i'll actually get one.....(mom hasn't come back with paper that looks like a list......*nervous*)

Ah! yes...life is wonderful I'm gonna go clean now.....
kbie
 

 

*sigh* today is...a so-so day. I got to bed really late after i posted, around 3ish, and then idk when i fell asleep but it wasn't enough time and so i skipped Philosophy today and then just showed up for Speech and writing. I'm sitting in my speech room now and i'm still exhausted...and i  have work...o joy.

on my way here i almost drowned ona mouthful of water, sprayed body spray in my mouth and my eye accidently,dropped my writing textbook on my foot, nearly fell down my front stoop and finally made it to my car with after hitting the scab on my right knee...i haven't checked it yet hopefully it'll be fine, and not be bleeding all over my work pants.

Despite the craziness and my penchant for being accident prone, today is remarkably laid back...there's nothing tense about it...which is weird...in a refreshing sort of way. Break is almost here b/c today is almost over and then all i have is film and Hari Kiri Friday. Two days...let's hope i survive them and think positively.

I'm gonna do my best today. I've been working really hard and NOTHING is gonna keep me down today. I'm just...not gonna quit. There is no giving up, no second guessing. I'm just gonna keep moving forward. Suck it up and keep on truckin'...i think that's kinda along the same vein as "Seize the Day".


My essay...prolly sucks...i don't think i got the whole format down AT ALL so i sent her an electronic copy and asked for her mercy and feedback. *sigh* no replies yet...she prolly won't say anything....my mindset isn't the greatest but i'm fighting it ^_^ *smile* so i should be ok in a little bit...until i get to work at least *weak laugh*

>.> *notices finger is bleeding*...o wow, i didn't even feel that haha. It's a cuticle thing haha nothing really to worry about.

Anyone wanna go to the circus with me and my fam on March 29th 7:30 Pm?
We probably wouldn't be sitting with my family since they ordered only enough tickets for my parents and my brother and his gf. but it'd be cool to go into the city with them no? I think it'd be fun *shrugs* lemme know what you think.

I gotta go, the speech midterm awaiteth.

~T.

It's a little after midnight on yet another crappy start to my wednesday...my prospects...zero...i'll be lucky if i sleep at all tonight....I've gotten a sufficient chunk of my paper for english done, and my mind is melting into a pile of emotional sludge.I can't wait for break, and getting some rest will be wonderful. Maybe some time alone too. I think...that's what i need...somwhere where i can sit, and just...dissapear...my room's not cutting it anymore....i need a secret place...where no one will kno.

I hate fights. I hate them all. I hate the fact that I avoid them...and somehow w/o trying get roped into them. I hate the fact that when i try to do good people...just...don't get it...or they do...and yet there's something else i'm not doing right...I hate the fact that they happen on nights when there's a paper due...and when i have a midterm tomorrow. I hate the work. I hate writing class, and my speech midterm.

i'm not going to soft ball this. I'm tired. I'm hurting and I'm upset.
I'm not going to make suggestions to certain people anymore. I'm just going to sit and not expect or suggest anything. That way, not only will i never be dissapointed...i'll never have to feel like i tried to fix it and just made it worse....

I work really hard to make things go right...and...i just feel like alot of times i'm the only one pulling. I feel like i'm alone, trying to bolster up the weight of everyones feelings up on my shoulders. I'm tired of feeling like there's nothing I wouldn't do, but getting the feeling that someone doesn't think that way...

maybe monday was right....i just...wanna...idk....maybe if i dissapear, someone will notice i'm gone.

I'd rant some more but MArtha Stephens' commentary awaits dissection....i want this paper to be over...right now.

Good night.

~T.

Since i have a free day on this particular day of the week i have a certain fondess for it.   Keep in mind that previously i have hated all things Monday related and therefore this sudden affection for this day of the week is surprising and a little disconcerting. 

Let's have a weekend review shall we?

Amount of chores completed:2ish
Amount of homework done: 0!!!!!!!
Amount of time spent on the computer: Not too much actually
Errands run?: 2...ish
Times I saw Al: 2ish
Times i cried this weekend:...1
Moments were i didn't want Monday to come: Too many to count.

I'm not ready for a new academic week. I've come to the realization that now the only thing i want is to be able to sit and sleep this summer.  i don't want midterms or finals. I want summer. 

If i seem a little weird today...i am. I'm feeling off...it's nothing uber serious, someone surprised me yesterday and i'm still going..."u'd really do that?...."  so yea. I'm exhausted.

I think i'm going to try and schedule my classes so that i don't have any morning classes @ 8:30 next semester. I like just waking up normally around 7 and having a nice relaxing morning without havign to run around like a nut when it's still dark out, bumping into things and whathave you
*printing out the FAFSA at the moment* Deadline: Today...Amount of time i told me dad i needed it done BEFORE TODAY?: at least 10
*sigh*....some things never change.

I need to go hand him these to make sure he gets them
laterz

~T.

you're going to laugh at me but until i read my own away message, i'd forgotten i have a livejournal...and it was only two days of not posting...sheesh...just look what the holiday rush is doing to my poor defenseless brain...wait...it's not the holiday rush, it's the end of the semester crunch...and my brain isn't defenseless...it's dead... plain and simple.

Another possible reason why i completely forgot this existed was b/c of the snow, this is the more plausible than the above scenario, mostly b.c i revert back to age 5 whenever it snows, and have an attention span to match.

Currently christmas shopping. Almost done yay! ^_^....
 
I have to do hw...grrrr...

and shower......i

laterz~!

~T.