Memories By Inner Light

today was a big day for me. in lots of ways. I got to see my sister from another mother. I had work, i got the results back from my film test, and Al and i had a nice long discussion and celebrated our anniversary. 

I can't say that it was a day of progress. I'm worrying about the stability of certain decisions, and about their implications, but still things today went better than expected and for that i'm uber grateful.

In other news...i'm exhausted...emotionally, physically, mentally, and i have a week of classes ahead of me with no respite in sight....plus that doctumented essay.....oh God...help me. D:

My current mood....uneasy...i think is NOT the proper word but perhaps the closest thing to it...things...seem to have gone too smoothly, certain areas are still not clear enough for me to fully understand. But at this moment what I have to do now is just work very very hard...b/c I WANT this. I want it working, i want it stable, i want it safe. I want to disavow people of certain impressions they may have gotten from me, i want to change the things that have come across wrong....I want....a nap first...really...and then i'll work on all these things.  

I said things today that were hard for me to say...and even harder for me to want. There were moments where i would think, "No you can't say it." but when you think about it...when someone needs something...even if you're frightened of what it may do when you say it, a person who really cares will say it anyway. I t hink there was alot of this today, in more ways than one. 

* long exhale* The next couple of years...will be very difficult for me, if there is one thing that can motivate me...it's Al. I will do it all, to the best of my ability...undoubtedly there will be moments when failure is possible and where i slip up, but...I WILL do it. It's...a matter of life and death for  me...i don't even think he knows it...and how much it means to me. in his own way he understands...but i think...there are more things going on underneath everything....things....that i think...the next two years will either prove...or disprove....but i'm a stubborn and loyal person...and i'll stick to my guns.

I guess alot of the feelings i get grow out of a tendency to reach out to people and try and help them....and sometimes that's misconstrued...and perhaps even on my part "over done"...still...my being me has never harmed anyone seriously. to my knowledge

well AL's on i have to go

~T

YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME!!!! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was our "psudeo" anniversary yesterday meaning it's actually tomorrow but in the interests of time we decided to bump it up to Sunday and celebrate it then. 

Anyways! I get to my Bf's house and he greets me with a kiss a hug and a blindfold.....I went O.O? what's that for? He said you have you wait until we get in the car to find out. Okie doke.

In the car. He puts the blind fold on. When he takes teh blindfold off I'm standing exactly where we sat together on our first date, he has a blanket and a picnic basket, a dozen roses, and best of all himself standing there smiling. It was absolutely perfect. I was surprised and it was just soooooooo romantic and wonderful and just *happy sigh* so Al it was just....amazing. We walked around and talked about our first date and what we were thinking that day and how we were feeling. Al showed me more of The Manor's grounds and we took some more pictures which was awesome.

Then we went home and got some extra snuggle time in a home made Sheet/chair/ tent with tons of pillows and junk food and watched "The Kid" and snuggled until around 10:30 (hee hee) which in reality b/c of DST was 11:30, but on the clock it said 10:30! Which was AWESOME!

Saturday was awesome too! We went to the Bosco BC Football game and were out really late which was still kosher b/c we were with my parents and my bro and his gf. It was just so awesome.  MY WHOLE WEEKEND KICKED BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even school today was awesome. We learned about all kinds of cool stuff giving me all kinds of ideas for my books and psych was really interesting too.

Now i have some work to do, so I'll be busy for a bit, but i'm in an AWESOME FREEEEEEKIN mood!

~T.